Incontinence is a very common condition. In fact, urinary incontinence is said to affect approximately 14 million people in the UK alone, while nearly half a million people are estimated to experience some form of bowel incontinence. 

However, despite these high figures, many people who struggle with incontinence can be reluctant to talk about it. This can be for all sorts of reasons, such as embarrassment or generational differences. At the same time, family members may find it hard to broach the subject as well, either due to the nature of their relationship or a lack of knowledge about the condition. 

But talking about incontinence is an important step towards getting your loved one the help they need, and preventing them from suffering in silence.  

In this blog post, we’ll provide you with some practical tips on how to approach a family member you believe may have incontinence with sensitivity and a positive mindset. We’ll also outline the steps you can take to help your loved one manage their condition. 

Conversation tips 

While incontinence may be a tough subject to talk about, if you believe your family member is experiencing incontinence, having that difficult conversation can make a huge difference to their overall wellbeing. It can feel tricky to start the conversation so you might want to try using an article, leaflet or advert as a prompt for the initial chat. 

Acknowledging that it’s an awkward topic can make the conversation a little easier for those who don’t like talking about bathroom habits. 

Remind them that incontinence is a very common problem and that there is plenty of help available. 

Another important aspect when talking about incontinence is to mirror the language your family member uses. For instance, if they refer to it as ’pee’ instead of ’urine’, match the terminology they use.  

Using language that is too formal could also make your conversation feel too clinical if your family member doesn’t usually talk in that way.   

It can also help to start the conversation side by side rather than face to face, for example, while out on a walk or in the car. Being side by side stops the conversation feeling like an interrogation and your family member may be more comfortable opening up. 

What is needed for a positive conversation? 

Making the conversation about incontinence a positive one gets you both off to a good start. Don’t rush the conversation and make sure to talk to them when you know you won’t be interrupted. It’s important to give the conversation the time and attention it needs. 

It’s also important for your loved one to feel relaxed, in control and free from judgement during your conversation. So, try not to talk about their situation with other people without their consent. Even though it may be coming from a place of love and concern, if your loved one found out, it could make them feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about it at all.  

It can be useful to explain to your family member that incontinence is just like any other health problem, and encourage them to talk about it with their loved ones even if they feel embarrassed.

To ensure the conversation stays positive, maintain a sense of dignity and privacy throughout and respect their decisions. Keep the conversation confidential but let them know the door is always open if they want to discuss it further. 

Next steps 

Knowing what to do next is important for both you and your family member. This way, the conversation will be seen as productive and help promote their independence. One of the most important first steps they can take is to see a healthcare professional to rule out any potential underlying health conditions. 

Let your family member know there is a lot that can be done to help with incontinence. Even something as simple as assisting them when booking an appointment with the doctor can be enough for them to regain some confidence and control over their health.  

Arming yourself with information about incontinence before you have a conversation with your family member can also help you support them in making an informed decision. By ensuring they have more knowledge of their condition, they may feel confident enough to speak with you and a healthcare professional further.  

Helping them choose the right incontinence product can also be a big help. With so many options available, your loved one may feel overwhelmed. But by sharing the job between the two of you, they will feel supported and more secure in their decision. 

Visit Bowel & Bladder UK for printable resources which you can offer to your family member. They could read them in their own time and then talk with you about it afterwards.  

With different resources, you can provide them with a range of options and methods of support. Whether it’s their GP, a continence nurse, Bowel & Bladder UK or elsewhere, with the right help, your family member can feel confident in their incontinence management.

The post How to talk to a family member about incontinence appeared first on Bladder & Bowel UK.

Incontinence is a common issue that can affect people of all ages. But incontinence doesn’t affect everyone and is not an inevitability of ageing.  

There are also varying degrees of the condition, with some people only experiencing small leaks now and then, while others can lose control of their bladder or bowel completely if unable to reach a bathroom in time. 

In this article, we discuss the signs of incontinence across all age ranges. We also provide you with practical tips on how to support family members with incontinence and some of the best preventative measures that can be used to help.  

Signs to look out for in people of all ages

A lot of people will often feel embarrassed about their incontinence, and it is common for people of all ages dealing with incontinence to hide the fact there is a problem at all. 

When this happens, your loved one won’t receive the help and support they need to manage their condition, which can worsen their condition and lead to increased feelings of anxiety and isolation.  

If you discover one of your family members is dealing with incontinence, it’s normal to feel stressed about the situation – especially if you’re going to be caring for them. It’s important your family member doesn’t feel ‘caught out’ or as though there is something to feel ashamed of.  

People with incontinence deserve the same dignity and respect as those without the condition, so knowing how to support them during such a challenging time is essential.  

Some of the key signs of incontinence – to look out for in people of all ages – can include:  

• Choosing different drinks – for example, drinking decaffeinated drinks instead 
• Stopping drinking after a certain time of day 
• Hiding incontinence products  
• Being secretive about going to the bathroom 
• A smell on their person or in their home 
• A strong scent of cleaning products in the bathroom on a regular basis 
• Personal hygiene issues 
• Staining of their underwear 
• Frequent changing or washing of clothes 
• Buying toilet rolls more often due to increased use 
• Finding tissue in their underwear or washing machine 
• Avoiding social situations 
• New changes to their diet 
• Carrying spare clothes whenever they leave the house 
• Going to the toilet more frequently 
• Needing to get to the bathroom quickly 
• Staying in the bathroom for longer than usual 
• Using sanitary pads 
• Wearing more than one pair of underwear 
• Changes in their mood 
• Finding laxatives in their home that weren’t there before 

If you spot any of these signs, it’s important to speak with your family member in a way that displays empathy, sensitivity and understanding.  

Try to have possible solutions and support in mind before having the conversation. That way, you can help give your loved one hope and ensure they feel fully supported.

Incontinence in children

Children can also experience incontinence. Although you might think it’s easier to spot, children are still good at hiding things they are embarrassed about.  

Here are some signs that a child might need help with their incontinence: 

• Finding wet or soiled underwear 
• Denying wetting or soiling themselves despite their underwear or bedding being wet or soiled 
• Needing to use the toilet more often  
• Often needing to go at the last minute  
• Withholding (standing or sitting in different positions, such as with their legs crossed, to prevent accidents) 
• Avoiding social situations, especially ones like sleepovers or school trips  
• Excessive use of sanitary products  
• Needing to leave the classroom a lot to use the bathroom 
• Trying to avoid going to school – such as claiming to be unwell or becoming angry in the mornings or Sunday evenings

It’s worth remembering that bullying and mental health problems can be linked to incontinence in children. Sometimes changes in behaviour can be misconstrued as ‘naughtiness’. However this isn’t the case; incontinence can not only cause feelings of shame in children but also cause them to behave in ways that they feel will be most helpful to manage the wetting or soiling.

What to do next

If you think a family member or someone close to you is struggling with incontinence, it’s important to talk to them about it from a place of understanding and sincerity. Try to encourage them to speak with a healthcare professional as well so that they can get the support they need.  

If they are embarrassed about the situation, you could even offer to assist them when talking to the healthcare professional. 

In our article, How to talk to a family member about incontinence, we provide further tips and information on how best to approach this difficult subject, such as finding out more information and researching different incontinence products to help them manage the incontinence while they wait for assessment and treatment.  

Doing your own research, for example, can help ease the pressure on your family member’s shoulders. By providing them with options you can help them feel less overwhelmed and ensure they are on the way to getting the right support for them.

Bladder & Bowel UK is a registered charity that has multiple resources to help loved ones support and spot signs of incontinence in both adults and children. They also have a confidential helpline where you can receive specialist continence advice. 

Finding support for both you and your loved one is important when dealing with incontinence. Whether you help them speak to a healthcare professional or find the right incontinence product, showing that you’re there for them can make a big difference. 

The post Signs a family member may need help with incontinence appeared first on Bladder & Bowel UK.

Incontinence can have a serious impact on wellbeing for the person experiencing the issue. What is less often talked about is how hard it can be to support someone suffering with incontinence. 

In fact, we know that in some serious situations, difficulties with managing incontinence can contribute to families making the tough decision to move loved ones to supported housing or care homes.  

Struggling with bladder and/or bowel control can create feelings of isolation, but it is important to know you are not alone if you, or someone you know, are affected. Silence around the issue can be a barrier to getting the help you and your loved one needs, which is why it’s important to shine a light on the issue. 

In this article, we look at the different ways incontinence can impact anyone giving support, including family members and friends, and why it is such an important issue. 

Difficulties for caregivers 

If someone we care about is struggling with incontinence, it is normal to want to help them. However, it’s realistic to acknowledge how difficult this can sometimes be.

Challenges in communication, or wanting a reluctant family member to seek medical help, can cause strain in relationships. Supporting with intimate care, including helping an individual change, use the toilet or washing wet or soiled clothing, may cause physical or emotional strain and impact the caregiver’s own well-being or mental health.

Emotional impact of incontinence

Not only can incontinence be distressing for the individual, causing embarrassment, frustration, or anxiety, practical support may be required from family members which can be difficult to accept. This can lead to a decline in self-esteem, a reluctance to engage in social activities and cause difficulties with mental health. If it is happening during the night, it can also affect sleep, which has an impact on daytime functioning and mood for both the individual and those caring for them.

Family members may experience stress and worry about their loved one’s well-being. They may also feel a sense of responsibility and frustration that impacts their own psychological and emotional wellbeing, mental health and feelings of struggling to cope. Adjusting to a new role of carer, particularly when this involves supporting with intimate care tasks, may be difficult.

Financial impact of incontinence 

Money worries can worsen stress when supporting someone struggling with their bladder and/or bowel.  

There is a financial cost to disposable continence products (pads), as well as for toileting aids, additional clothing and washing. There can also be increased expenses related to medical care, such as travel to appointments for assessment and treatment, and the cost of medications that may be recommended to help. Some people may require home modifications to make their living environment more accessible. Some family carers may have to also give up work or reduce their hours to provide required support, adding to financial strain.

Social isolation

Incontinence may impact a person’s confidence to develop new friendships or relationships, or continue existing ones. Fear of leakage, odour, embarrassment, or a lack of accessible toilets in the community may result in the person with incontinence withdrawing from social activities. It may also limit or deter participation in previously enjoyed activities that may exacerbate the incontinence, such as high impact sports, distance running, remote camping, or long country walks. All of these, together with the time it takes to provide practical support, can also impact their life partner or family members.  

Family members might be hesitant to engage in activities that could be challenging for the person with incontinence, or that they previously enjoyed together. Being unable to leave their loved one, or becoming too tired or emotionally drained to continue with their usual activities will also worsen the situation. 

Changes in daily routine

Those providing care may need to adapt their schedules and routines to accommodate an individual who is living with incontinence. This may include assisting with regular bathroom visits, including at night, helping with personal hygiene, changing of pads and being mindful of the availability of suitable toilets in public spaces. These may impact their ability to work, enjoy leisure and maintain social activities and friendships. 

There may be additional washing and cleaning as well as anxiety about controlling odour, avoiding damage to furniture and managing if car seats or wheelchairs need to be cleaned and dried.  

Communication challenges

The misconception that incontinence is always inevitable, along with taboos surrounding bladder and bowel issues, make it difficult to discuss incontinence or know how to access help. These can reinforce feelings of isolation and make it difficult for family members to offer support, search for solutions or improved management options.  

While open communication is key, discussing incontinence can be a sensitive topic that requires empathy and understanding. Challenges may be compounded when there are gender issues, such as a son talking to his mother, or a father to their teenage daughter, or where to do so would breach cultural norms. 

To address these difficulties, it is crucial for the family member to foster open communication, encourage and support those that they care for to ask healthcare professionals for support, and explore available resources. Community support can also be valuable, and connecting with others facing similar challenges can be beneficial for both the individual suffering from incontinence and their caregivers. Seeking medical advice and implementing recommended practical strategies for managing incontinence, can help mitigate the impact on both the individual and the family. Additionally, support groups and counselling may be beneficial for the emotional wellbeing of both the person with incontinence and their caregivers. 

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